The Onion

From the trustworthy news source, The Onion:

NEW YORK—In what has become a Thanksgiving tradition, more than 10,000 locals and tourists alike braved the cold Monday to watch the annual stuffing of the Rockefeller Center Turkey.

The nationally televised event, which has rung in the holiday season for nearly 80 years, began at 5 p.m., when workers propped open the skin flaps of the 55-foot-tall bird, and pushed an 11-ton mixture of bread crumbs, onions, and other fixings into its massive trunk.

Crowds reportedly started arriving before noon to watch the festive turkey-stuffing spectacle, which included live musical performances by Josh Groban and American Idol–winner David Cook. In addition, the entire cast of NBC’s Chuck received the honor this year of walking inside the turkey’s abdominal cavity to retrieve the 1,000-pound giblets packet.

On Tuesday, gravy boats came up the Hudson River, while dump trucks heaped with mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and boiled corn lined Sixth Avenue for nearly a mile. Several dozen workers have also been added to the payroll to shovel congealed fat and gristle off the sidewalks until the end of December.

“You know the holidays are right around the corner when you can smell raw turkey from 50 blocks away,” SoHo resident Stephen Finney said. “Thanksgiving in New York just wouldn’t be the same without it.”

“Through depression, war, and even food shortages, this incredible tradition has always endured,” Medina continued. “Except of course for 1951, when the enormous bird rolled off a cargo train and crushed 64 people before plunging into the East River.”

The Rockefeller Center Turkey will be slow-roasted from 5:30 p.m. to midnight each day until Thanksgiving, when the red button pops out, indicating that the bird is fully cooked and ready to be served.

Officials claimed that the turkey would not be wasted this year, as its leftovers will be used to make enough sandwiches to last for the next 10 months.