Black Friday is upon us. But as much as I love to shop, I can’t say that I’ve ever gotten up before 9am to do it. Really the only thing that would ever get me out of bed at an ungodly hour is a 75% off everything sale at Anthropologie or a chance to meet Rob Pattinson.
But in case you do decide to face the wrath of Black Friday, here are a few tips and supplies you should bring:
BLACK FRIDAY SUPPLIES:
• Thermos full of coffee or Red Bull to stay awake while you wait in line at 3 in the morning.
• Bottled water to stay hydrated during aisle sprints.
• Plastic cup and/or diaper to pee in all the coffee, Red Bull, and water you just drank.
• Elbow pads, knee pads, and a helmet to protect you in case you’re trampled.
• Steel toe boots to kick those while they’re down.
• Iphone to tweet status updates like “Suck it biotches. Guess who just scored the last Easy Bake Oven this side of New Jersey!?
• And, if you’re psycho-crazy about getting good deals, the Iphone application, “TGI Black Friday” that compiles a searchable list of more than 8,000 deals at more than 50 stores, and Twitter feeds including CheapTweet, which scans Twitter for tweets that mention sales.
• Young and nimble friends that can run fast
• Large friends for creating blockades and self defense
BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING TIPS:
Case the joint & know what you want ahead of time – Check out the store a few days ahead of time so you’ll know what you’re looking for and can create a plan of attack once you’re in.
Dig tunnels like the Vietcong! - Kidding kidding, but this shopping day does mean WAR, so leave the dead weight behind like uninterested spouses and children and bring the friends I mentioned above. Be wary of double agents though! 75% off cashmere can make one temporarily lose her mind.
Have a Black Friday All-Nighter Party – Stay up and throw an all-nighter party with friends! Make Black Friday cocktails with vodka, blackberry brandy, black raspberry liqueur and lemon twist. Just don’t get out of control and pass out before the stores open! Drunk shopping makes for sloppy sales.
Caffeinate!Caffeinate!Caffeinate! then hydrate. – I can’t say it enough. Know your limit and avoid the jitters and heart flutters though. Carry snacks with you too in case your blood sugar gets low. There’s no time to wait in food court lines when there’s sales to be had ladies!
Stampede! – I actually read this from an article I found online: “If you find yourself in an unruly crowd, try to make your way to its edge, where the flow is lighter. Stand straight with feet firmly positioned. Stay calm and conserve oxygen and energy by not yelling or screaming. Brace your arms out in front of you, creating an air pocket for protection. If you see someone down, try and help them up. Or try blocking other people from walking over them.” This is when your larger friends would come in handy.
Build Team Edward Black Friday – Find out what stores your friends are going to, see who needs what, then split up with lists and hit different stores.
Stay Black Friday Focused – Shop the advertised necessities. I know it’s hard, but try to avoid the items that are not on sale. They’ll be there tomorrow I promise. Think about that cute Anthro dress that FINALLY went on sale that you could be buying instead of those $250 boots at Nordies.
Expect to be groped. - OK maybe not groped, that’s just gross. But you’ll probably be pushed and shoved and possibly trampled. So don’t forget your protective gear and stand firm!
Good sales come to those who wait – Be patient at the checkout. You’ve gotten everything on your list and it’s down to the home stretch…but there are 56 people in line ahead of you. Take this moment to relax, collect your thoughts and text brag to all your friends about all the cool deals you just scored.
OK ladies! You’re ready for battle! Now be strong and may the sales force be with you!!
