Kristen Stewart

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A Letter to KStew*

Dear KStew,

I have a few things to say to you and a few things to ask. We’ll start with the premiere last night. I know according to my last post about you I predicted you’d wear some funky architectural short dress when I shopped for you at Forever21. But really, I’ll be honest, deep down I knew you’d wear something long and totally different we’ve never seen you in. And I do appreciate the effort. It was the most important premiere you’d be attending and you went all out, but I just wasn’t feeling the cotillion dress. I agree with Lainey Gossip. Your hair rocked, makeup was awesome as usual and your Oscar de la Renta dress was pretty, but I just don’t think it did much for you. It looked a bit frumpy really. And wtf was Ashley Greene thinking trying to upstage you in that god-awful Miss USA getup. That girl needs a new stylist and an ego-check. But that’s beside the point. Even in your less than bad-ass outfit, you still looked better than that mess. Next time though, let’s show a little leg and a little more edge.

And another thing, I would like to know how you get such flawless alabaster skin. Do you hire someone to powder you down? Or is it because you have 19 year old skin? What is your secret? Because every time I try to go with the pale look, I just end up looking like I’ve caught the flu. And when you rock the white legs, it looks chic, but when I rock my mine, I blind people. Nonetheless, I do appreciate you representin’ us pale girls. WooWoo! It’s nice to see that pale is making a comeback. And it also makes me happy that Robward seems to dig pale brunettes. It gives me hope (for Thursday).

And lastly, I saw you on Conan last night. It looked as though you did his show right before the premiere b/c your hair was the same. You did a good job. Usually your flustered blubbering and incomplete sentences annoy the sh*t out of me, but you actually made sense last night and even cracked a few jokes! I think you’re getting the hang of this limelight thing. Nice job!

Now I’m going to go powder myself down and get ready for Thursday. Look out Robsten, here we come.

-A&K

*I apologize for the plethora of KStew posts. It’s just that it’s New Moon week and my inner Twi-Hard has taken over. Normal me will be back next week, er, or the next.

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So since today’s the New Moon premiere and we’re all anxiously awaiting to see what Kristen’s going to wear, I thought I’d do a hypothetical post on “What if KStew lost all her money and had to shop at Forever21 for her premiere outfit.”

We all know her style consists of anything black, preferably studded or donning some piece of weaponry (see bullet skirt). She seems to prefer interesting textures, unexpected details (see panty window) and architectural shapes. She has strayed from this some with cream colored feminine dresses and that Lady GaGa regurgitation colorful number she wore in London. And frankly her shoes are always rockin’ and unique and sky-high (when she’s not wearing Chucks).

So what if she just HAD to shop at Forever21. What are some of the pieces she’d pick out for the premiere? Here are some of my hypotheses:

The slightly edgy but still girly outfits

kstew1The colorful London dresses

kstew2The asymmetrical and architectural dresses with funky shoes

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The “edgy rocker” separates.

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The “I heart French boys in reality would say “I heart British boys” of course. What do you guys think of my choices? Am I nuts? Am I close? It’d be pretty funny if she wore something like one of these tonight. I’m sure it’ll be cool and leg-baring no matter what it is though!

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So, I was doing my regular Twilight online stalking today and came across some of the zillion press pics they have out there now. KStew was wearing another awesome dress with her mullet, as well as some sky-high pumps. I actually love her shoes, but seriously how does she walk in them?? Do they teach this sort of thing in Hollywood? I really want to know.

KStew brought this to my attention because she’s a relatively new famous person, so it’s not like she’s had much practice walking in $800 C-Loubs (that’s slang for Christian Louboutin. It’ll catch on). Anyway, I looked up some of the shoes she’s been wearing and according to Nieman Marcus, they’re like 4 1/2 to 5 1/2 inches high. They have about an inch or so platform, but still, they’re giant. I suppose if I was driven everywhere and only had to walk about 5 feet I could manage as well – if I could get my feet into them. I’ve actually tried on some of these uber-high and uber-pricey shoes before and literally couldn’t arch my foot enough to get into them. So are celebrities just blessed with perfect feet and perfect balance or is this a learned thing?

And also, who decided that a 3 inch heel wasn’t good enough? Female celebrities now need to literally tower over everyone on a 6 inch stiletto – on shoes that used to be for people who danced on poles. Now they’re sold for $800 and meant for the elite. I dunno about you, but if you really want to mimic this look, you could just go to your local Fredericks of Hollywood and pick up a pair of domintarix pumps for $19.99.

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shoes2Comfy!

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