Holidays

Sorry for being a little blog MIA (BMIA). I’ve been trying to get home for the holidays. I’m currently writing this from a gate in O’hare. Not my gate. My gate is too full of people on the flight before mine. I have a 3 1/2 hour layover.  However I won’t be posting this until I get to NC though (God willing) because I have no internet. Well no free internet. Even though it says  “Free Public Wi-Fi” and “Merkle” for my wireless options. LIES! What is that anyway this “free” public wi-fi?? Is it just there to tease us? And who is Merkle!?

There is a band playing festive tunes in my terminal. I wonder if security cleared them. Maybe they’re playing a set before hopping on their respective flights home. An airport “gig” if you will. Maybe they’re regulars and their band’s name is something like “High Note” or “Wingmen” or “ The Fly Brothas.”  OK I’ve given this way too much thought. What would be cooler though is if they had airport karaoke. Yeeeah. Think about it for next year Chicago! You’re welcome.

I actually don’t mind having a layover or even traveling through Chicago, as long as there are no blizzards. What’s funny though is every year we act sooo surprised and upset when all our holiday flights are cancelled because of snow. We do it to ourselves.  I mean who decided the biggest holiday travel time was going to be during the shittiest weather months of the year? It’s been proven Jesus wasn’t even born in December people! Why do we continue to torture ourselves so!?

And let’s take a minute to discuss my first flight. Well first-ish. My original first flight was last night and was very overbooked. I knew I wasn’t getting on that flight as soon as I saw the plane pulling away from the gate and my name hadn’t been called. My name and about other 19 people that had also been bumped. Curse you United!!! You’re getting coal this year! I did get a nice chunk of change from them though and $15 to spend at the airport on food. There was a MANGO at SFO with 50% off everything and I serrrrriously considered going in there looking for something I could buy for $15. Screw eating! I need a shirt! I gave in though and bought breakfast instead and a giant snowmen and stocking made of bread. I couldn’t keep my leftover change so while I was ordering my pastry I was like “and give me 2 of those giant bread snowmen thingies! They’ll make cute Christmas additions to the table.

Anyway, I’m losing you…So I got on my flight this morning and discovered I had an emergency exit aisle. Score! More leg room. I love it when this happens. But it also makes me nervous when they ask you for a verbal agreement saying that you’re  willing and able to open the exit door in case of an emergency and save all 200 lives on board. Okay maybe not exactly that, but it is a lot of pressure when you think about it. I’m sitting there acting out the exit strategy in my head,  “Ok first I pull down on this and then I pull out on that and…” God help us. Luckily we all landed safely with no emergencies. One weird thing I noticed though were these little water droplets leaking from the exit window while we were landing. I don’t feel like planes should leak. I kind of expect them to be air-tight. Don’t you? So that was kind of weird and my worst-case scenario brain kicked in and expected the whole side of the plane to just split open and suck me out. But like I said, no such emergencies. Whew.

So that brings me to now where I’m typing this blog post while sipping on my Jamba Juice. Carribean Passion- Holla! They forgot to ask me for my free boost though. I either get the immunity or energy boost, but I always have this urge to ask for an “invincibility” boost or “invisibility.” What? Like you’ve never thought of that.

Anyway I’m done boring you with my travels. Tune in soon for my post on my SkyMall Christmas gift ideas. Oh yes. Just you wait.

UPDATE: I finally arrived, but my bags are lost. They are touring the country without me. Hopefully they’ll arrive tomorrow. Please? Christmas miracle?