While I was sitting on the plane waiting to take off on flight #2 of our journey home, I jotted down some random thoughts about flying.
1. When is it ever not a nonsmoking flight?
2. Armrest etiquette says the passenger in the middle deserves at least one armrest. So why don’t I ever get it?!
3. Headphones + eyes closed = don’t talk to me, ever.
4. I have severe food envy and deep hatred for the passenger eating the giant burger and fries next to me.
5. Why do all pilot’s voices sound the same?
6. Why do airports give me cotton mouth?
7. Who would ever breathe normally into their mask??
8. The curtain that divides first class from coach always makes me think of Titanic with the rich people separated from the poor people in the bottom deck.
9. Um, it’s a little disconcerting when the pilot tells you the plane you just flew on now has to go in for maintenance. Why?? What is wrong with it? Did you know about this problem when we were in the air?
10. Do they really think I’m going to remember anything they say about how to work my life vest or find my seat cushion when we’re crashing?
11. Why is it that my seat belt is always pulled out to be at its longest when I sit down. Do giants always sit in my seats before me?
12. It’s scary when the pilot is thanking the kind passenger that noticed our fuel leaking before take off. It’s even scarier when another plane notices our luggage door was partially open right before takeoff. Isn’t there a light or something that comes on?? I mean even cars have a door ajar light!
13. Every giant turbulent drop we take, I think “this is the end.”
14. Lastly, here’s a little jingle I wrote:
Fly Southwest. It’s the best.
Fly Jet Blue. They’re cool too.
Virgin’s neat if you get a seat.
Delta sucks. They’re such a drag.
United’s worse. They’re real d-bags.
