Questions only a loved one could answer:
Will you look at this mole?
Does this look infected?
Feel this.
Do you see anything in there?
Will you squeeze this?
Does this smell like poop?*
*Let me explain. It involved Jack.
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Tags: husband, marriage, window into my world, zits
In the last month, 2 of my good friends announced that they are pregnant. Annnd, they’re due dates are one day apart! I am totally excited for them and fascinated by all their pregnancy stories like getting ultrasounds and buying maternity clothes, but I’ll be the first one to tell you, I am beyond clueless when it comes to babies. Really. I mean I’m scared to even hold it for fear of dropping it on the floor. But never mind all that, tonight I was looking at this baby products site called Giggle, and the stuff they carry on there looks like something from the year 3000. I mean really, take a look at this highchair for instance:
This looks like something the Jetsons’ baby would sit in. Or this one:
Wow, comfy looking. I don’t even know where to sit the baby.
And what’s up with this chameleon-like stroller? It’s 4 wheels, it’s 2 wheels, it’s no wheels, it’s a covered wagon! What is it!? It’s $1200 is what it is.
And since when did the baby monitor become this super hi-def LCD flat screen experience? It’s like an infant GPS system.
And if this isn’t enough assurance for you that your baby is safe, you can buy this glowy egg thing that glows different colors depending on the temperature of the room. You can’t just feel if the room is too cold or hot, you have to have an egg tell you?
And for the extra extra overprotective parents, here are a few more things to ensure your kid’s survival:
Seriously, you may as well put your kid in a non-toxic plastic bubble. I’m starting to wonder how I survived growing up without a furniture holder and a toilet guard. I mean that toilet water was so enticing (sarcasm).
And lastly, out of all the cutting-edge tools and gadgets they sell on this site, these cracked me up the most.
I got an idea. Instead of recycling an old cardboard box, let’s buy one for $80!!
Congratulations. You invented a bucket.
Do I have a point to any of this? No, do I ever? I just haven’t paid attention to baby stuff since I was a kid and that was 20 some years ago. I ate the railing off my crib and probably swallowed a few paint chips. I played with germified toys, had just a plain ole wooden highchair and no egg to tell me when I was cold. And despite all this, I survived. Sometimes I wonder if we’re being a little too psycho-overprotective as modern day parents. But, then again, if I had a kid, I probably would be too.
But I’ll never buy a cardboard box!
The parental units arrive tonight. Hide the booze! Wait, we’re not in college anymore. Bring out the booze!
No seriously, Karen and I have been slowly preparing the apartment for their arrival or PPPing. It will be the 5 of us crammed into a one bedroom New York City apartment. A bonding experience it will be.
We’ve just about finished the parent-proofing checklist.
• Dusted, re-dusted and even lifted things to dust under them! CHECK!
• Bought extra TP – CHECK!
• Air mattress – CHECK!
• Family-friendly, sex scene-less, and minimal offensive language movie rentals – CHECK!
• Extra wine – CHECK! need more.
• Rough itinerary for sightseeing. CHECK!
We still need to clean up the tornado of dirty laundry and leftovers that has hit the apartment and then we’ll be good! Are any of you having family over for Thanksgiving? Are you going into a cleaning frenzy to get ready?
Tags: cleaning, Holidays, Parent-proof
Poor poor neglected little plant.
Tags: dead plant, raising kids
That’s what was written on our first dog’s tombstone. I like to believe that it’s true. I mean how can you not? Doggies are the most loving and selfless creatures ever. It’s a shame they can’t be with us as long as we’d like them to be. Today we had to put down our family dog, Gucci. We rescued him from the shelter in 2003 when he was 7 years old. Unfortunately I was not there to witness it, because I had just moved to California, but Gucci was evidently this long-haired little mess at the time. But you could tell under all that fur that he was a sweet adorable little guy. So my parents brought him home, gave him a haircut, and made him their baby. He was a great addition to the family and made us all very happy these last 6 years. We will miss him a lot but know that he’s in doggy heaven now. We’re giving him a tombstone too, right next to our other dog’s. It will have a line from Pretty Woman on it. “We rescued you, but you rescued us right back.”
We love you Gucci and will miss you!
RIP Gucci Paul Clark (1996-2009).
That’s right. Following up with your Turkey Day post, I just wanted to reiterate that we ALL will be spending Thanksgiving in Karen and Jeff’s apartment. This is Jeff’s first Thanksgiving with the in-laws and we all will be there – father-in-law, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law and doggie-in-law. And to really get our bonding on, we’re all staying in a cozy 800 sq. foot apartment. 1 bathroom, 6 1/2 people! Should be exciting. At least there will be lobster mac and cheese served. Oh wait…
This is a typical dinner at our house, except we just have one little dog sitting in our face waiting for food to drop out of our mouth. My friend posted this photo on Facebook recently (sorry Lauren). People commented on it saying they were glad they weren’t the only ones that ate dinner on the couch.
A better representation of a dinner at our house.
This got me thinking, do people still eat dinner at the table? For special occasions and holidays sure, but just on a regular night? We used to when we were kids, but when we moved into a bigger house dinner became parents eating in the living room and Karen and I eating dinner on the floor in front of the TV upstairs – usually a Disney movie was playing. I wonder why things have changed. I mean it’s relatively the same food being eaten, now it’s just on a couch instead of at a table. Well I take that back, if you’re at our house about half of your dinners would consist of something sandwich-related, which doesn’t really call for a dinner table. Maybe it’s because we don’t have kids. Two people sitting at the dinner table seems sort of formal. We do it at restaurants all the time though. So why don’t we eat at the table? Are we just so bored with each other that we need the TV to avoid having to actually interact? Maybe. Reminds me of this skit from SNL:
What do you guys think?
Tags: coffeetable, dinner table
Sorry for being MIA again, work has been crazy and I have slept about -2 hours for the past 2 weeks. Anywho, so while we’re reminiscing on Anna’s good ole days, I figured I would throw in my 2 cents. We all know that I am the little sister, (by age not so much by size), and let me tell you life around the house during Anna’s teenage years created some verrrry interesting memories. Granted, I was just getting out of elementary school and beginning middle school when Anna hit the golden years of high school, so my memories are a bit blurry, but there are some doozies. Without further ado, I present to you……..
KAREN’S TOP 3 FAVORITE MEMORIES OF WHY BEING THE LITTLE SISTER WAS FOR THE BEST (OR THE WORST!)
I kind of miss him 
1. New Year’s Eve, circa 1999, I was 12 years old. Anna’s friends were all over at the Clark household for a New Year’s Eve party. I’m almost certain they were watching Carson Daly’s New Year’s Eve bash, and I would bet my life that the Backstreet Boys were performing at this said bash. I was wearing jeans and my most coveted BSB shirt, of course, I idolized my sister and her friends so I had to be cool too! The clock struck midnight and the champagne started a flowing, responsibly mind you, my parents were there ya know. But I grabbed mine and began to down it quite steadily while no one was looking, I mean I had to keep up with the cool girls. Thinking that I was the total sh*t, I didn’t notice until way later that the room was getting significantly warmer and my face was about as red as a lobster. I thought I was breaking out in hives, and the room was spinning. I had to excuse myself to go sit outside because I got over heated. While all the other cool girls were inside downing their champagne, I was outside in the garage having a mini heart attack thinking that I was having an allergic reaction to alcohol. I spent the next 4 years believing that I was going to have a miserable college experience because alcohol makes me break out in hives. Little did I know, I was really just experience my first buzz and I was an extreme lightweight. Oh, so young, so naive.
A: OMG, you make it sound like Mom and Dad got us loaded on champagne that night at 17 and 12 years old! For the record, everyone just had one glass. I think it was like 2 bottles split between 8 girls. You do the math. And yes, you are a lightweight. And still are 
Backstreet Boys: Getting girls in trouble since 1997
2. March 1999, I was 13 years old. The new Backstreet Boys album just dropped, (yea I said dropped), and Anna was DIEING to get it before it sold out. So she and her friends thought it would be genius to sign themselves out of Spanish class with forged excuse notes from their parents and head to the mall before the end of school so they could be sure to get the coveted “Millennium” album by the BSB. It seemed like a golden plan at the time and Anna was almost home free…until she got home. Enter the mother. See, I was home from school sick that day, I was really faking it because I more than likely had a test that day that I hadn’t studied for, (hey, Anna was the studious sister, I never laid claim to that title). Anyway, I remember how excited mom was about getting the new BSB album for Anna. She knew how much Anna wanted the album and how worried she was that it was going to sell out, so she threw me in the car and we drove to the mall to get the CD for Anna. I wanted the CD too, but she only bought one. Just one. I was “sick” too for Christ’s sake, but no CD for Karen! Anyway, we drove back to Anna’s school and mom was so excited about calling Anna out of her Spanish class to surprise her with the CD in the school’s front office. Well, low and behold when mom got to school, heehee, nooooo Anna. She was one pissed mama. I couldn’t wait to get home. I think mom had figured out that I was totally faking my sickness by that point and was angry at me, but my punishment would have to wait because my perfect older sister skipped school, yes I thought about offering to take that CD off my mom’s hands since Anna would probably be grounded, but I figured that I wouldn’t press my luck, and that it would be pretty low. Seriously though, Anna was quite perfect in high school, it’s just the one time she tried to skip school, it backfired in her face. That tends to happen to us Clark girls. Womp.
A: Dammit I remember that too! We passed her in the car on the way to the mall and I ducked. What are the odds of this happening??? The ONE time I skip class I get caught. Cursed as a goody-goody for life man.
PS: I knew you were faking!!
“So, that’s one for you…..and 5 for me!”
3. October 5, 2002, I was 16 years old. And I was visiting my big sister at college for the first time. And we were having a sleep over! I planned for this trip for like 2 weeks. I had all my clothes picked out well in advance, I was determined to be the cool little sister. I really wasn’t fooling anyone, I was a really big nerd and still going through those awkward middle school transitional years…..and I was still in high school. Let’s face it, I was an ugly duckling. Anyway, so the day arrived that mom and dad were going to drop me off at Anna’s dorm in the minivan. Strike one. Oh the minivan. Fast forward, we have dinner at some chinese restaurant that night I think, and then head over to one of Anna’s friend’s apartments to “hang out.” And by hang out, I mean me and Anna playing Kings for 3 hours with her friends and “splitting” a 6 pack of smirnoff ice. Somehow though, I ended up drinking like 5 of them, I mean that stuff is like lemonade mind you, and then having to go to the bathroom really bad. And it was at that very moment, as I stumbled down the hallway to the sketchy communal bathroom that I had a revelation…….”I’M NOT ALLERGIC TO ALCOHOL!” Praise the Lord, my college years are not ruined! The rest of the night is quite the blur. There was a long walk to Sigma Nu, several drunken frat boys yelling at me, “YOU’RE NOT 16!” Um, yes I am, shall I show you my provisional can’t drive after 9pm without adult supervision driver’s license? I tried to dance on the bar at Sigma Nu, but Anna dragged me down before I made a fool out of myself. I’m pretty sure squirt guns made an appearance at some point. I think we went to PIKA’s party house and danced on the top of some bench? And then I woke up on my sister’s couch bright eyed and bushy tailed the next morning with no hang over at all. Such a little trooper! Anna felt like crap though, haha.
The list could go on, and I may continue it tomorrow, but these were some of the golden points from my life as Anna’s little sister
Do any of y’all have similar sibling stories to share?
A: Yes you lush! I bought you a 6 pack thinking, “Ohh she’s never had a drink in her life, she’ll drink like 2 of these.” Not. I had to go hunt down more. But it was a good preparation for college. And yes by the end of the night there was dancing on some piece of furniture and you passing out on my friend’s couch.
Tags: Backstreet Boys, Carson Daly, College, Little sister, Smirnoff Ice
Whew! What a weekend. A fun, but way too short weekend at home. We thought we would touch down at RDU by 9:00pm on Friday, but due to “plane maintenance” we had to sit through 3 hours of the pilot telling us we would “take off momentarily.” Dirty liar. 11:30pm rolled around and we finally found the south. Woooohooo! The parentals picked us up from the airport, there were hugs and kisses and then we stole the car and high tailed it to Chapel Hill. We hung out with friends at Topo, and enjoyed some delicious drunk food at Time Out, and then finally made it home around 4:30am. Ouch.
8:00am the next morning, we were up and bright eyed and bushy tailed. Umm, not. But never the less, it was football Saturday and we had to push through the pain. We had a blast at the Carolina/ECU game, but only made it till halftime until the heat did a number on our hungover selves. So we made our way back to the frat house and enjoyed the rest of the game in the air conditioning. I found it really hard to leave after the game, there were definitely a few tears welling up. Thankfully I had sunglasses on; I hate saying goodbye to friends. But we were off to the Elon/Wake game, where I would get to see even more friends and see my school play football………or not play football. Wow, we were awful and totally did not deserve to be on that field. Hats off to Wake, you destroyed us. Guess that means I lost the bet, Anna, I’ll let you know when I streak through Central Park.
But the best part about the weekend: Getting lost on the way home but still managing to find a Krispy Kreme with the “Hot Now” sign on. Hot Krispy Kreme donuts are like a religious experience. So Jeff had 4, Dad had 4, I had 2 and Mom had 1. Pretty much an even spread. And then we all made our way home, stomach aches and all.
We spent the next day with Jeff’s family and had a yummy lunch and then flew back to NYC, (delayed again!). It was much harder to leave than I thought it would be. There were tons of tears and my eye makeup was officially gone by the time we touched down in NYC, but we’re here and back into our schedules. Living up here is still quite the adjustment, but hopefully in time it will be much easier.
A: Whew glad I don’t have to streak over Golden Gate. I think I’d startle people into jumping. Sorry about the tears. I can definitely say I know how you feel. You’ve seen me burst into tears at the airport, even when i’m trying so hard not to. It gets easier, but you always feel bad about leaving, then you settle back into your life. Just think, we’re all coming up to the Big Apple for Thanksgiving. Whooohoo! Look out!
Tags: Carolina, ECU, Elon, Krispy Kreme, new york, NYC, Wake Forest
Just kidding No Beavis and Butthead here, but I am talking about one of the best tailgating traditions born in the south: Cornhole! I love playing cornhole. I love it so much that I decided to make two personalized cornhole games for my guests to play with at the wedding reception. My dad built all of the boards for me and I did all of the painting. I thought they turned out fabulously and they were such a big hit with the wedding guests. I even let two of my bridesmaids take a set home with them. I of course kept one, which is now at home with the parents who have become quite the cornhole enthusiasts, (don’t ever challenge my dad to a game of cornhole, he’ll demolish you and get a lot of joy out of it). Sigh, there’s nothing like kicking back and playing a game of cornhole where all you need is a drink in your hand and the motor skills and hand eye coordination of a kindergartner.
The boards!
Guests enjoying themselves
My work in progress
If any of you are interested in some personalized cornhole games, contact me and I’m sure my dad and I would love to hook you up! Happy first day of college football!
A: Yes!! Those are my favorite sports, the ones where I can have a drink in the other hand. It’s the perfect game for party guests. No one ever has to put down their champagne. We could make cute corn baggies to match the boards too.
