I love you!

I was watching The Sixth Sense last night and kept thinking, “That kid reminds me of someone. Why does he look familiar? Who does he look like??”

Then I was looking through Facebook photos today,
and it dawned on me.

Jeff! Jeff looks like the “I can see dead people” kid! Which means, Karen if you guys have kids,  a little Haley Joel Osment may be in your future.

Hopefully he won’t see dead people though.

I got this Daily Candy article in my inbox the other day and thought I’d share. Evidently there is studio in San Francisco that makes hate piñatas. They’re like larger more violent versions of  voodoo dolls. I think it’s kind of brilliant and the perfect post-breakup cure. Especially if pints of ice cream fall out of it.

Basically how it works is you, the “hater” sends in a photo of the “hatee” and for $60 the studio will design a piñata to look like him/her. You can even ask them to add a wig. But quite frankly if my boyfriend had just broken up with me, it wouldn’t be his head I’d want to hit with a bat – just sayin’. Regardless, I think it’s a fun, albeit creepy idea.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve just realized my last couple posts have been a tad bit violent. I don’t know where this inner rage is coming from. I promise I’m not (currently) angry about anything.

I looked up some hipster symptoms and checked off all the ones Randy has. It’s alarming to say the least.

See what I’m saying?? We’re going to have to have an intervention if he busts out the skinny jeans and grows a stache. Something’s gotta give.

LOL notice how everyone else ignores his joke.

So this morning I walked in to work wearing something other than jeans – a casual dress and boots. I had slept with wet hair the night before and didn’t have time to straighten it this morning, so let I it go au naturel curly. Instead of getting crazy looks like “WTF happened to your hair? Did you stick your finger in a light socket?” I got “Do you have a hot date tonight or something? You’re all dressed up and have fancy hair.” This of course was coming from the 25-30 yr old boys I work with. So anything non-pants related and wavy hair = fancy and date-worthy. Alright. I see how you guys are thinkin’. Guys are pretty simpleminded really when it comes to hair and fashion, and I think I’m okay with that. Makes me spend even less time getting ready in the morning, but still get compliments. Thanks boys, er men.

According to this article these men were the worst and best lovers in the world.

WORLD’S WORST LOVERS:

1. Germany (too smelly) – the stench and that awful hocking noise they make when they speak.

2. England (too lazy) – Too lazy to shag?? RPattz say it ain’t so!

3. Sweden (too quick) – maybe it has something to do with their crazy daylight hours? They have no concept of time?

4. Holland (too dominating) – With all the weed there you’d think they’d chill out a bit.

5. America (too rough) – Great we’re a bunch of Neanderthals.

6. Greece (too lovey-dovey) – and that’s so bad?

7. Wales (too selfish) – Do you think you’re a prince or something?

8. Scotland (too loud) – lol i picture Fat Bastard. Ickth.

9. Turkey (too sweaty) – Still picturing Fat Bastard. But now eating a turkey leg.

10. Russia (too hairy) – Vodka does put hair on your chest. Er, or so I hear.

WORLD’S BEST LOVERS – What no descriptions? Fine you’ll get my hypotheses instead.

1. Spain – A country full of tall, dark and handsome futbol players. Mmm.

2. Brazil – That whole country is kinky.

3. Italy – Italian Stallions? Yes please.

4. France – Def the language and the fact that Paris screams romance.

5. Ireland – The curse must be over!

6. South Africa – Never visited, but it’s on my list now.

7. Australia – Every guy I’ve ever met from here is tall, blonde and hot. Nuff said.

8. New Zealand – See above. And Flight of the Conchords are from here! Bonus!

9. Denmark – Voted the happiest country in the world. Happy men = Happy lovers

10. Canada – This surprised me. But then again, they are the friendliest country. I suppose they’d be real friendly in bed.

Click to enlarge

Click to enlarge

We’re just a more complex species is all. Men are just simple-minded buffoons. I say that with love.

Today I came across this “confidential memo.” The subject read: Operation “Feminist Movement.”

Here’s an excerpt:

Can you believe the way things used to be? Remember when our fathers and grandfathers would drag themselves to mind-numbing jobs every day, having the sole responsibility for feeding, clothing, and housing their entire family?

And things were no easier before marriage, when man’s quest for sexual satisfaction was all too often hampered by the widespread moral code which taught women not to give out the “milk” for “free.”

Well, that state of affairs just wouldn’t do. So we men came together and did what we do best — formulate and implement a plan. First step, design the perfect world, the perfect male world. We decided such a world would consist of two things: less responsibility and more, no-strings – sex.

Brothers, have we succeeded.

I’m beginning to wonder a little bit if they have succeeded. I mean don’t get me wrong, I fully believe women should have equal rights, but I’m wondering if guys somehow managed to benefit from this new “situation” a little too much.

According to this NY Post article women are actually becoming less happy relative to men across all age, income, and marital levels. In our attempt to “have it all” we’re even less happy now than when we thought we didn’t have enough. So on top of everything else we did in the 50s (housework, cooking, raising children etc.) we’ve now added the pressures of a career and any other extra-curriculars to the pile. To quote the Post article, “What started as opportunities (for education, for work) have become expectations, which have only added to expectations extant 30 years ago (for home and family, for relationships).

Ladies! It’s too much! Men have even less to worry about now and can just kick back and call it Miller Time. Ok, ok. There are some quasi-exceptions. Some men do cook, and some are stay-at-home dads. But it’s still in a woman’s (F-ed up) nature to try to have it all and control it all, which leads us to more stress and therefore unhappiness. I mean I don’t even have a kid and I can’t imagine trying to add that to the mix of a full-time job, a husband who can’t feed or clothe himself, and all my other daily stresses of having to be an adult.